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The Age of the Wasp.There is heavy noise
in the other room and my head
bounces full of heavy
heavy weighted things
that I wish I could tell
I know or knew. The building
feels flatter and flatter
beneath my tired shoes
and I release air with difficult
pushes out into the still gentle a/c that
tickles over my arms, a goodbye from fair
weather, a rattling doorknob. I kissed
you and then,
for a different goodbye lightly
brushed my hand on your face and neither
could have kept me warmer. I will always
be in the twilight even if the sun somehow stopped
the earth and returned me back
to June, to the hopping / hotel rooms and the / rippling island of sidewalks
and dirt paths. the secret green heart I heard shaking its
own trees against the sheet glass
only grew for a time of honeybees and its now
the age of the wasp.
I am stingers and fear in others
and myself. I die on the window
and the death at all points
afterward will need to be cleaned
Fragment 2conventional development of a memorial out of bland symbolism and a "contemporary" sensibility involving phallic steel work + endless dematerializing glass or untreated raw roman concrete like the effigy we were too self obsessed to set on fire we were saving for the long absent libido
SonarHonestly don't know
Where the Hell is
Our light house, stood up
On fallacies of rocky coasts
Awaiting night time liners.
We turn days, years over
Nights that swim thoughts
With wading tidepools
And deep ends oceans old,
Unspecific. Past points
In existence where photons whir
To silhouette Earth's tumbling
Light houses stood up like pins
At lane ends, each of us
Soon ricocheted, collapsed into
Honestly don't know
Where the light house
We eyed with curious fear
A serpent more afraid and prostrate
Than us, than its cobra raise
Or rattle might entail, a tower made
Derelict by global position
The Elderly.cover the elderly in flowers
and go ahead and give them their architecture
their hollowed fluted columns covered in vine
ivy vines and corinthian florets and vegetal
give them doors. closing and opening at their focus
and at their "remember the opening of
the memorial highway?" how they could now
borrow suzie's husband's pickup any old saturday
and be there in half the time
to the endless heaven of open marketplace
can buy anything there
in a peace of mind haven treehouse in the blood
jungles spilt nectar and flies all about
just let the elderly have the joy
infants get coming in
with comfy strollers and
expectant children. with colors
marketed to them and a shower thrown
when the date is set to celebrate
the going out, the deathday
it was not planned, but it was in course
so let the abandoned asphalt fill its cracks
with lemongrass and resilient roots
sing joy to every pillar in its rise or its fall
the presence marked until the marker's overgrown
You Asked for Even More.Here is all I can give
Today the blank hedge of clouds
Pitter-pattered out of the room
On toddler's sticky feet--
Did you ever guess how incomplete
The breathless moments of ardor
Might be?? I labored over the black
Cauldron of love & being
In crimson love with pretending
Do the flags flap around like so?
Or was I without comparison,
Hindered by my blood & sexless
Indecision, my steps not sobered
Not drunk enough yet
Not to say regret out loud
Or to scrape the bottom of the trash
Bag for rancid sicknasty leftovers
Of the clouds prickling behind our kissing
Necks, stretched and strained
Out for the next guillotine raindrop
Lost our heads out of respect
For the cage fight we held between us
The crowds battering the bars
Pouting, snotty lovechildren.
Trajectory EchoesI cannot lose what I have lost,
I’m forced to apple bob
For sinking fruit, dense in vinegar.
Deeper in the barrel,
Until I’m the bullet that makes it clean through.
I still land on the floor,
Ripple my skin until it is metal
Screaming in the night time
Into and back out of the sweaty adolescent basements below.
I won’t make it to the phone
Until I’m retconned
Until a different sentence rattles chains in my chest
Until momentum, until no more
I will always slide toward the valley
In the winter, and feel it coming
Right around Halloween. The horror
Of one year ago: me, being happy and in love
While over one million rotten apples sit in the grass,
The rectangular orchard. The columns and rows.
The perfect was lost well before I had it,
Before it left ribcages and winked
Like the hero through the first set of unlocked lips.
Credits roll and I fiddle with plotholes
To calm the richter of my (I once thought)
How to love a girl who can't love herself.one.
When she cries herself to sleep
six out of seven nights a week you must
say nothing. You must simply take
her in your arms and kiss her gaunt,
pale cheeks and wait for her to
slumber at the sound of your heart.
On the days where she wishes she
were part of the stars, tell her
no. Tell her that there are too many
lights in the sky and that just one
would be forgotten the moment you looked
away from it. Tell her that she is perfect
the way she is: completely human.
Don't let her think about the scars
that no one but her can see. If she
says "I think I'm broken" smile like you
know a secret and say, "No, you're mending."
But do not be the one to fix her - no, she
the only letter I've ever wanted to burni.
if you want to give someone the silent treatment,
the first step is shutting up.
things made much more sense
when I was younger.
I thought there was one path,
each choice a stepping stone upon it.
in reality there are a million roads
intertwined like rope.
I got lost
I chose you.
promises are easily broken.
I knew that,
but it still hurt
spending friday night
shivering in the rain,
choking on cannabis perfume
in a dirt parking lot
your face never graced.
and I hoped against hope
you might appear,
but I wasted my wishing
on ungrateful you.
you died before taking your first breath.
I took a chance
and I should've known better.
you can give somebody all you have
and nothing can stop them from
throwing it away.
you've made this bed,
now lie in it.
you slit this suture,
you're the goddamn reason
I gave up on the month of april,
and soon enough you'll fall on your own blade
like some drunken samurai.
if you want
Die AloneI take apart her heart
And lay the pieces down
In a circular form.
Let her bleed a work of art.
I forgot I’m crazy.
I’ll whisper my secrets
Only if she promises
To die here alone with me.
.What do you want to be when you grow up?
They ask it like a dare.
As if letting your unlikely dreams
slip from the safety of your mind
could bring their own
a little closer to reality.
car crash on an empty roadit happened before
we did. it was more a person
than you or I or that boy
in the park trying
to convince us to
stupid. it happened
before your smile
cracked the sky in half, before
our laughters slurred into
a dissonant song, before
your fingers traced the stories
lying on my face before I knew
just how many pieces of sunshine
were trapped in your hair before
the walls became the ceiling and
I wasn’t claustrophobic.
things I remember:
the red blur of your room like
God was experimenting with the
symbolism in modern art, the
tri-tone shimmering of your eyes
like the surface of the water, the way
you defined perfection as a scale of
women ending with a less than sensible
me, the way you always moved like
you were dancing and no one was there to
RelativityLooking in the mirror
through the mirror
seeing a stranger,
My chest swells and my heart lurches
This girl isn't me, not at all
She looks like someone
but not me.
A movie star, a homeless person.
Even when I look at photos
no memory comes up
no allowing for the thought that I have a body
Or that the cold of my fingertips,
the throb of anxiety inside my ribs
I see my arm, an armband
A scar, a vein, a ring that has no meaning
But it did, to this girl in the mirror
Even if memory fails
Existence is relative
Dizzy Girl,you can't cure sorrow. The drops
on the windshield are swallowed
by this traffic's color and you
are just the driver.
Other people pass
with paint blearing,
though I do wish
there was an ending,
questions spark in halos
of low street lamps as you veer
toward the center,
recollections are ceaseless.
She will be at your left and the gust
through the tinted window
will be humid,
you taste her last spirit
in the smoke and
See Through YouHow do you allow for your own eyes to see through you?
Reflections hold no meaning,
when the image cascading back, is just your own ghost.
What unworldly realm did you get lost in?
I remember the touch of white glass, pale skin on your brow.
It shattered so easily, with such a soft touch,
if only the touch you felt, was only the love.
But sheets of burning skin, you have now.
This avalanche of you came crashing down quickly.
It was your emotion not your voice;
that started the cosmos to implode inside you.
Each star died out, and they all winked before they died.
It was this bi-polar you, who had split into two.
Through mitosis you defined your real you.
If only the other half could have been saved,
or maybe it’s lost and stored away?
I want to allow you, to see the person you are to be.
But,no mirror I show you could ever speak true to your own face.
Perhaps one day, your true self will stay.
But for now,
you allow your own eyes to see through you.
kringle.should i be smiling as the christmas tree shrinks?
america's sistine chapel full of fat basketball angels
absolution in six easy payments of twenty five ninety nine.
should i feel shame that jesus is in a survival backpack
for the next apocalypse? it's miniature and mother is
sharing videos of soldier presents.
drop the faithless adolescent bomb over a dead bird feast.
winter's in a dead heat with loneliness
and i'm drawing a finish line
but even sharpies fade with skin.
i'm peeling off my wrapping your gift is entrails.
sorry i don't pour water like a fountain.
hot piss on the black friday mailers.
should i be worried about should when i live in the
united states of hedonism? i am the godless one
but its easy to be a jesus freak and still listen to lil wayne.
should i try to understand the twisting that snow brings
to arthritic fingers clutching remote controls
like scepters to thrones?
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