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Literature Text
I'll have no opaque friend of mine
Do tactful tricks for Balanchine;
Let's just say that I'd prefer a butchered stitch of Frankenstein—
That spontaneity is working fine—
To a dog-breathed procedure-swine.
Let's break the roads that run straight lines.........
Couldn't we just deform?
Melismatic no more
To be
Concave bodies on a hot sidewalk
Cracking under the pressure of doves taking off
Rhyming with the sounds of thunder
Moonwalks on the sun
Art painting itself
Sex with no interaction
Fingers on piano keys, playing in reverse
Reverberations returning
Atoms de-colliding
Deflated balloon animals
EMPTY EARTH
Do tactful tricks for Balanchine;
Let's just say that I'd prefer a butchered stitch of Frankenstein—
That spontaneity is working fine—
To a dog-breathed procedure-swine.
Let's break the roads that run straight lines.........
Couldn't we just deform?
Melismatic no more
To be
Concave bodies on a hot sidewalk
Cracking under the pressure of doves taking off
Rhyming with the sounds of thunder
Moonwalks on the sun
Art painting itself
Sex with no interaction
Fingers on piano keys, playing in reverse
Reverberations returning
Atoms de-colliding
Deflated balloon animals
EMPTY EARTH
Originality is like killing god
© 2011 - 2024 claytonwoolery
Comments11
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactThank you for submitting to the Critique Folder at <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt="
" title="Writers--club"/>! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/l/l…" width="19" height="19" alt="
" title="La la la la"/> This poem was definitely interesting; the rhymed lines in the beginning were a very nice touch, and I'm quite impressed with how you made some unique words rhyme well.
The flow of this poem was a little inconsistent in some areas since the lengths of the lines and stanzas were quite different for the most part, but overall, you still did a good job with it.
My only full suggestion is in regard to the closing line of your last stanza. It's a simple tip, but you can draw attention to an important line with HTML like italics or bold text and have it look more professional than just capitalized words. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>=TheFinalHikari
Founder of #Writers--club and #LandoftheSky